*in the gar'ge i feel safe. 2001-07-04 5:54 p.m.*

yay for updating. i've been meaning to update since i woke up this morning. to tell y'all about the most recent big event in the life of the me.

for the first time ever in my life, or at least since i've been a "sexual being," i feel completely and utterly sexually fulfilled. last night was completely amazing. james and i went out to eat (and she paid because i'm so incredibly broke (and apparently my mom has been getting multiple calls a day from my credit card company while i was gone)), and we bought dessert to take back. we also stopped by the library and discovered that they had francesca lia block's book of erotica, so we got that. i requested a back rub earlier in the day, and then when we got home, james asked if i wanted it before or after i had the bailey's pie that i got to take home. "well, if i eat before the back rub, it won't be very comfortable, but if i get a back rub first i won't be able to move." so she offered to feed me. so we watched a little princess on tv, and she rubbed my back and fed me, and i watched as she ate the chocolate cookie she'd microwaved so that all i wanted to do ever in the world was like the chocolate off of her fingers. she also had a glass of irish cream which i drank most of, and it all felt very nice. she asked for a back rub, so i gave her one. she had this really nice lotion stuff, too, which was exciting. anyway... we watched the rest of a little princess, which was better when i was 17, but still fun, and then i read her the one girlie story in nymph. it was all so sweet and perfect, and i was feeling incredibly spoiled, but not minding it at all. and then she started doing these amazing things to my body. the first time i came, my scream beat out any other scream i've ever let out. and i came so many times i can't even remember. and basically, she just made love to me till i was ready to stop. i'm NEVER ready to stop. i don't remember any time i've felt like all my sexual needs/desires have been fulfilled. she got me to this point were i was all giggly and incoherent and unable to move. and completely fulfilled. and bizarrely enough i still am. like, i watched her dress this morning, and wasn't turned on. like, it was like looking at something very very beautiful, but not sexual. and i told michael all kinds of dirty details about the trip and still felt normal. except it's not normal for me to feel like this. i don't understand. it's nice but it's not a state i am at all used to. i wonder how long it will last.

meanwhile, i'm missing her but not in an extreme unbearable way. but in a i am surrounded by love and i can face not being around her, though i'd prefer she were around way. we really did have a fabulous week. and i think our relationship matured some, too. or maybe i'm just glad i got lots of play.

now we're trying to figure out what to do with ourselves (michael and i), because all the movies at burns court appear to bite. there's a party at the boys' house tonight which doesn't really appeal to me all that much, and i'm trying to think of something we can do that could involve ponyluv, because i think we'd have fun hanging out. but we aren't really supposed to be in the lab that we are in, so i will go away now.

*listening to: *
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