*You've been used, you're confused Write a song, I'll sing along Are you calm? Settle down Soon you will know that you are sane You're on top of the world again 2002-02-15 1:38 a.m.*

so after flipping out to such a degree over the weekend that i started having visions of myself tied to my bed for the rest of my life, things have started to look up. in a very much related to my mood way. i think socialness really does good things for my mood, but then there's this weird feeling of deep loneliness when it's over. even though there are times when i definitely want to be by myself.

michael and i hung out last night, and did exciting "secret" things for 4 hours, and then we came to my house so i could go home and go to bed at about 4 am. it was raining out all evening, and i'd thought that wet street is a beautiful thing (hi.) many times, despite the fact that i was only wearing my bedroom slippers and the wet streets made them ugly dirty furry things. but yeah, it continued to drizzle as michael dropped me off, and as i confronted a locked door to my house (which i'd left after i thought the boys would be asleep or at least in a going downstairs frame of mind so i didn't grab my keys), these same wet streets became ugly and frightening. i sploshed through my parking lot in my slippers, to michael's car. fortunately she was having trouble getting out of the driveway, because otherwise she would have been gone. i told her my predicament and she took me to the warmth of her house. we crashed pretty hard when we got in, and the snooze button on her clock apparently squidged out so she missed her morning classes.

when we finally did get up, the boy from my high school who works with me who is apparently friends with everyone in the world was there to visit ex-lesbian #1. they were about to go to the indian buffet, so we went to. we stopped by my house, but the cars were gone, so i couldn't get out and get my money or change any of my clothes or anything. the food was fantastic and reminded me of england, and then we came back, but still my house was locked up. mud showed up at bonnie's shortly later and we decided to go to the vintage store, so i called up my house and apparently john had just got home, so i finally got to run home to get my money. it was kind of one of those frustrating things where i really wanted to be social, but i also missed my house and my cat and the book i was reading and i kind of wanted some curled up time before work. but instead we all went and played at the vintage store, and mud and i got along better than we ever have before which was nice. and then they dropped me off, and i was home with this strange sad feeling in the pit of my stomach and just and hour and a half to get ready for work. this doesn't sound like a short time, but shower, dinner, and psychic preparation for a 7 to midnight shift were all involved, and i felt like i was out of the loop with my other group of friends. but look, here i am now, sitting in my nightgown, my eyes drooping, and 9 and a half hours before i have to go to greek class to face crushland. i'm chilling, the sad is intermittent, and i can sleep soon and forget the monsters that may have taunted me were i left alone to face them alone today. so i guess it all works out.

except of course for my cat who once again found herself without food for 12 hours.

*listening to: *
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