*you are... the wicked slink. 2001-11-27 12:43 a.m.*

i have to say yay for attention. yay for getting fed and having one's hair braided and having someone to sing with. i want to say much yays for the jennifer connelly. but is that selfish.

oh, the thinking. oh, the thinking. it is excessive.

like can i still be androgynous if i look like a girl? will anyone care? why is it so much harder to get a ride this year than in years before? have i become shy-er, or less selfish? why do walks home in the dark make me so grumpy?

why does any of this matter to me? and then the inevitable "why do i matter?"

i need to stop with the down-on-myself-ness. but it's become so easy. to just blame the whole world on me. to feel uninteresting and stupid and wrong. therefore, this down-on-myself-ness is just laziness. therefore i am lazy and worth little.

therefore i am unpleasant to be around unless someone showers attention on me.

i used to be so strong. what happened? when did i crumple like this?

ah well, at least it's not dirty. it's not rude. i'll go to kuwait if i wanna get wanna get crude. it's not filthy. it's not lewd. i wanna be famous just so i can get sued. guess who's my girlfriend. yeah, it's jesus, she's my girlfriend. wanna know who my boyfriend is? no, nought out of ten. jesus ain't a man, she's my girlfriend. jesus is my girlfriend, jesus is my girlfriend. babybird, you are on so much crack, but i love you. you sound like bono and spell coca-cola and make it sound beautiful. what's not to love.

levar burton is not the wicked slink, but william shatner so is. i ask myself sometimes how shatner actually exists. his existence proves to me that god has a sense of humor.

it will be okay. i got through a night alone in a cambridge bus station, and didn't even cry. i can get through anything.

*listening to: *
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