*you know that it would be untrue, you know that i would be a liar. 2001-11-21 9:32 p.m.*

it's been a Day. i was already ornery and sad, and then finally at long last the period monster showed up. it proved my one entry wrong, because rather than crouching by the toilet in a nonvomit-like way, it was a vomit-like way. 2nd time in my life i've had cramps so bad that i puked. i don't recommend them at all. and the dsl didn't work for most of the day, which was starting to flip me out because i'm going to be alone in my house for a good while, and i'd like to feel somewhat connected to the outside world thanks. oh, and i broke my toilet. i'm not sure what i did, but the chain apparently broke. so i'm going to call the landlord on friday, give him thanksgiving off. and i've had a little bit of a headache from a good wack i gave it last night when i was trying to curl up into a ball of sleep on james' couch. there's even a little horn-like bump where i hit it. which goes perfectly with the bump on the other side of my head from hitting it on the cupboard door while emptying the dishwasher today. i will not go into the disgustingness of the kitchen situation, because you've heard it before. i guess what puzzles me is that it has it's really clean moments, and then gets just terrible so quickly. how can people make such big messes. it makes me feel really abnormal that i just don't.

the highlight of my day was finding out from michael who my secret pal was. see, since the dsl wasn't working, i called her up to have her email everyone with who their secret pals were. and mine was the everwonderful laurel tree. i just ate my last chocolate bar from her. maybe THAT was the highlight of my day. i'm hoping to do this again next semester, but earlier in the semester, and hopefully more people will do it, 'cause it's way fun, guys. you should play!

i looked at my husband's copy of the swiss missile crisis, and it got me all thinking about this being my 4th year at new college, and if i've affected it at all, and my perceptions of first years and just this year in general. it's such a different year than it ever was, and there are a lot of reasons for that -- the thesis, all the other stuff under my belt, all this world affairs shit, and the fact that yes, i think the first years are weird. i think that every class affects new college in its own particular way, and that's all good and stuff, but... they all have such wide eyes! and then i talk to malraux, and see adam's apple at the 4 winds, and think about the little first year i was. and i wonder if i'm that different now. and la la la... i'm too introspective. i had this realization on my walk to school the other day... i may not me that introverted these days, but rather i'm an introspective extravert.

and a dork. but that was already said.

*listening to: *
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