*un-inspired voluptuousness. 2002-03-14 11:42 p.m.*

sometimes the feeling that you will never stop running to the bathroom, and that one of these times it's all going to come out the other end, winds up being a good one.

i marched a very disgruntled and teary self down to the 4 winds, not sure if i ever wanted to have a human interaction again, and all that good stuff. i curled up with a glass of ice tea and anne of windy poplars. in all honesty, there was some disturbingness about the iced tea, but i was so thirsty and lazy that i just sat and finished it. perhaps that was what led to the multiple trips to the bathroom, but who am i to judge?

i drank a chai to stop being reminded of the iced tea and to warm up, because the 4 winds was awfully cold, but i'm not sure when it was that the burps from hell started. by the time michael showed up, i was running to the bathroom with belches that sounded like i was doing some sort of ritual calling to god, and my stomach felt like it was ripping itself apart. each time i was reminded that blood does not mean that satan is a good thing.

anyway... after michael had gotten very cold we decided that we should visit retro, and wound up spending what was meant to be half an hour and turned into 2 hours, with her in the anthro lab, with me making periodic trips to the 4 winds unisex bathroom (once again, blood does not mean that satan is a good thing). after half an hour of this, it was decided that perhaps it would not be such a good idea if i want to work. "alright, we're halfway through the survey now, thanks for staying with me here. thinking of a typical weekday how many hours of television do you usually, oh god, *braaap* um, i need to go--" *click.* not so much. i did not relish the idea of cutting surveys short to run to the bathroom, nor did i relish the thought of missing the toilet altogether. so it was decided that seeing timothy "speed" levitch was a better way to spend my time than going in to work.

what a grand idea really. that man and his knowledge of the wow of life and the ways in which it can be so wonderful and inspiring to just live was just what i needed today. some days, i so nearly give up. it just seems so hard to deal with people and their drama and my own drama and i can't believe any good will ever happen again, just because this one day existed (can i repeat that i do have my own drama? it's so all in my head.). and then i go and see this man who talks about anthills, and how some anthills have been stepped on and don't realize that they will be stepped on, and how others build stronger anthills after being stepped on... who talks about how anything that helps you see the field that is yourself differently should be relished... this man who believes that holding grudges is such a waist but at the same time, having enemies is so important. now i'm having a little bit of doubt because i can't remember all i meant to remember, but i hope this feeling of the utter importance of life will stick with me for awhile.

i want to be outside right now having adventures with the beautiful people i know, letting people know just how beautiful i think they are, making people realize how damn important this existence is. and i'm just trying not to be bitter that i'm here in my house, with my stomach threatening my throat with loud keening belches. but there is tomorrow, you see. and i can be brave and adventurous in my own home, i'm sure of it.

(addendum, 1:46 am. i'm aware that this entry has 2 typos, but i tend to leave those, 'cause it kind of shows the mood i was in at the moment. a devilmaycare typing mood. and besides, i do enjoy typos, in general. i mean, mild ones. they're a fun time. it's nice that other people appreciate them.)

*listening to: *
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