*and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden. 2001-07-06 10:02 p.m.*

i'm listening to melanie wailing the lyrics to "lay lady lay," idly pondering her lesbian tendencies. i met melanie a couple of times, back in the day when i worked in the selby gardens bookshop. she's definitely still hippie like, but if my mom hadn't called me on the phone while she was in the shop to tell me who it was, i wouldn't have recognized her. of course, if she'd walked into the store looking like the cover of the one melanie album i have, i probably wouldn't have recognized her either. but it was really exciting, and i felt all gushy and fanlike, though i never even alluded to it.

and the song is reminding me of the sexual frustration that is gradually growing. rar. one time, young jesus complained about how the problem with getting a massage is feeling your back tighten all up again. this is sort of the same thing. but at the same time i don't think i'd like a permanent state of that sexual satisfaction that i had. i mean, it was damn nice, and yo, james, you can do that to me anytime, i won't complain, but it was kind of eerie. the next day when i was visiting michael, i was all giggly and sleepy and weird, even after my nap of the dead, and i think it was the closest i've ever felt to feeling/acting stoned. but yeah... i dunno... it's like how i'm me o' the blissful state o' confusion, and i used to tell people how i was most confused when i wasn't confused, because i was so unfamiliar with that state. sexual satisfaction is foreign to me. i don't know if i would rather it stay that way or to acquire a taste for it. i think for james' sake it may be best that i don't feel this need to be sexually satiated like that all the time, because i think she'd never get any sleep. though it's kind of a carryover thing. like my masturbation sessions have been more satisfying than i think they were previous, kind of bringing me back to that state. but i think if it were james, it would be more satisfying. so yeah, it's like topping up or something.

or something.

and the white knight is talking backwards... yay for compilation albums with names like "hippie chick." yay for being called geek chic.

and... i'm not sure how i feel about vegetarian vegetable soup right from the can, though i tend to eat it.

*listening to: *
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