*it's not so bad, i guess. 2002-01-07 10:54 a.m.*

it's funny when your fears basically get confirmed except when they do they suddenly seem desirable.

i got the evals i was more nervous about back today, and unless something went horribly badly with the classes i was less nervous about, i satted the semester. my eval from mike would have been a lot worse if he hadn't known some of the circumstances of my semester. basically it said that my annotated bibliography was thin and that it was obvious that other things had gotten in the way of my academic work. marginal sat.

so, i walked to his office, through some half-assed rain, but got there a little early. i had to pee, and when i sat down i started to sob. i wasn't even sure what about really, but it just happened. i finally wiped my tears and went back to his office, where he was just opening the door for me. i went in, sat down, and again started to cry. which i was afraid i was going to do. i felt so helpless and at the same time wheedling. "look. look at how sad i am." it was awkward for a minute, but once the conversation started it got better.

but yeah, it seemed to him, and it seems to me now, that the best thing for me to do probably, is to take a semester off. he's worried for me, that jumping right into my thesis when i'm so low already would be really bad for me. we discussed reasons why i should and why i shouldn't, and my main reasons for not doing it are my family and financial aid stuff. but he doesn't think it'll be a big problem with my financial aid stuff. and if i took the semester off, i'd probably get another job and so that would help me financially as well. he said his biggest concern is that i try and complete my thesis and don't do it, and really when i think about it, that would make me a lot worse off in a lot of ways. and he also just wants me to enjoy the process, and maybe with a semester off, i'd be able to do that.

but yeah. i wanted to share that, but i'm in palmer a, and i want to go home.

(addendum 12:38 pm: he called me a good egg, and "real smart.")

*listening to: *
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