*peace love shoom. 2002-04-13 3:05 a.m.*

i wear my anger as a shield, as it slowly dissipates in relation to the more upset my stomach becomes. i walk down 41, my legs making longer, sturdier strides than they're used to. and as i walk, the anger that i have to be afraid walking down this road at this time makes me feel so badass that i am no longer afraid, sheltered by my fury, my sulky face, my long coat that whips around me. and then, as i get closer to my home, my stomach starts to get the better of me, and the asskicking feeling becomes less, as i feel more like vomitting on their shoes than intentionally hurting them. my feet go quicker, but my fear is not that i will be taken for a prostitute and harassed, but instead it is the fear of not making it to the bathroom in time, and that is so absurd that my asskicking skills go out the window.

willow did soothe my mood, once i got the initial purging of an entry out of the way. and nothing like a bad documentary to make the sulkies stop. ron howard, george lucas, don't speak. shhh.

afterwards, the drowsies start to hit, and i decided to make my way home. i detoured through ham center, found it silent, and then discovered that yes, the wall had been moved to palm court. but by then, i really just wanted to be back here. my socialness was done. my coat was already taking over. that coat has made me feel so many things tonight. as we walked to campus, i felt like an androgynous bodyguard for buttercup. as we made it up the hill, suddenly i was a revolutionary war scout. as i walked through palm court, alone, i was the sketchiest of the sketchies, that girl that doesn't go here but didn't graduate either. as i visited people, it was an invisibility cloak. as i walked back across campus, through the wall, i was tough and skulky don't mess with me why do i have weak lungs why can't i smoke insecure tough insecure tough insecure tough girl. and then i was that badass don't you fucking honk at me i've got places to be bastard girl on the way home.

and now i have shed that. my bizarre shirt with its odd faux buttons and pins seeming weirder because of my pink heart underwear. the task of weeding through my inbox because someone went a little crazy with the poll has taken over the pissy side of my brain into something pretend productive. my kitten has been ravaging my coat since i got home. neither i nor it are so tough.

*listening to: *
<<< | >>>

*<<<<<* *<<* *<* | *>* *>>* *>>>>>*
*random* *list*