*ducks and stickers and a scary doll, in case you were wondering. 2002-04-13 12:43 a.m.*

i feel off kilter tonight, and very aware of my off-campus status. i'd love to have a room here to just go and regroup in. now i'm in jennifer connelly's room after asking to use her phone and never quite explaining that i was also going to write an entry. that hadn't been the plan, but then it became the plan. so i'm here, whinging while i listen to the cheers and laughs of people watching willow. which i haven't seen in 85 years, and have wanted to see a lot lately. but i can't sit still. i want to dance tonight but ave and peanuthead's fishbowl wall does not appeal tonight. i want to be outside with the rain, not inside with the claustrophobia. i've wandered around and around this place, my backpack weighing me down, my raincoat making me feel shifty and strange, which is probably how i would feel so it's nice to have proper accessories. i go from room to room, standing and watching bits of tv shows with people, feeling awkward and out of place and just very very wrong. my stomach wanders from upset to calmish and back, never quite making it all the way to calm. i chat with people, but never sitting down, never satisfying, just little small talky things, vague plans that make me nervous about tomorrow. i put my randomnesses in people's boxes today, and that solitary (as in, i was solitary, not that the act was the only one, even if it was, i'm referring to my own state) act of mischief was about the only thing that suited my mood tonight. i want to go home, but i don't want home to be where it is, i want to live here again. i want to feel at home and not so much like an interloper. what will it be like when i am back?

*listening to: *
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