*all gone to look for america. 2001-10-31 10:13 a.m.*

well, let me start out this entry by saying that my last entry contained a typo that changes a lot of what i said. basically... i'm deathly afraid of my SUBconscious, not my SELFconscious. of course, now i'm wondering if that in and of itself a freudian slip of some sort... but yeah... i changed it. i'm afraid of my subconscious now, both in reality and in diaryland.

so, um... peanuthead is a crackdick and i'm actually really worried that i might hit him. i've had a lot of excess angry energy lately, i'd like to use it for something good. it pisses me off because we'd finally worked up the courage to tell ave to dump his ass, and then the next day the fucker goes and dumps her. he's such an assmunch! and of course ave, in her low self esteem and self image and yes, self-centeredness as well, in that way that those things work together, did some nasty shit to herself last night, and it just makes me so sad! sweetie, he's so not worth it. he's not worth any of the tears you've shed for him, or any of the pain he's given you. i'm just finally getting to know her as a human being, and outside of the lack of self-confidence and her love for the stupid assmonger, she's pretty cool, and the whole thing pisses me off and makes me sad and baffled and also... i expected as much.

i think, as shocking and horrible as it is, none of us are all that surprised.

i also feel fairly emotionally disinvested in this entry. my heart wants to feel her pain for her, but that's not going to help, really. and so i feel like i'm sitting here, far away from the action, dwelling on my anger at peanuthead, waiting for the right moment to open up a can of nesrop whoopass.

(in other news, i got a fantabulistic massage last night at the massage clinic, james is still definitely one of the best people i know and we had a short nice comfortable despite the fact that we were walking to the car so that she could drop me off and go to the hospital talk about how i apparently deal with breakups very well and how we are yay still good friends and comfortable with each other, and i've been reviewed!)

*listening to: *
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