*do i just want to have my cake and eat it too? 2001-11-01 1:41 a.m.*

my life=crack! my life=crack! my life=crack!

everything has basically gone to 10 kinds of holy hell in the past 24 hours. i can't really talk about it, as much for confidentiality issues as my complete inability to talk about it.

though... let's see... laurel tree and i kissed today. after and around and through it, we discussed what how we felt and what we wanted about the whole thing. and as much as we've talked through things about it, and we appear to want the same things, which is something comfortable, unemotionally involved, and somewhat physical. but whether we can actually pull it off, i just don't know. and of course, there's the whole james thing. she was the first person to find out about it, in a very giggly insane uncomfortable way, and it just totally freaked me out. i of course don't want to hurt her (or laurel tree or me) in any way, and i'm really just very afraid (and yet excited) about what kind of a can of worms we might have just opened.

and now i'm having another really good conversation with the boys. and i think i will crawl into ave's bed and chat till i fall asleep.

*listening to: *
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