*it's these little things that can pull you under, live your life filled with joy and thunder. 2001-07-02 6:09 p.m.*

somehow automatic for the people has come down with a big case of the skips. rar.

i have it on so i don't have to think. which is way funny because james and i just got into a big battle about how tv makes her be able to get out of her head for awhile, and how much that disturbs me.

and why does that disturb me, dear readers? i'll give you 3 guesses.

yeah, of course, like everything else apparently in my life, this issue comes from my father. from seeing him blank out in so many ways. so i'm not dealing with that by listening to music really loud. of course the whole thing is counterproductive, because i'm writing an entry, which involves my thoughts.

rar. why am i such a fucking emotional hypocrite? why can't i be a normal person with normal reactions to things? why do i have to watch everything i do, and everyone i know for symptoms of my father? the world is not my father.

except that i know that my father does everything he does because of his father. so of course, i feel like i'm like my father because of that. rar!

go away. i don't want you back in my life. i don't want you to have ever been a part of my life. i wish you'd just go away. i don't like you.

*sticks her tongue out at the phantom figure of her father*

you're dumb.

*listening to: *
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