*ra ra ra! fish boom bah! 2001-06-11 8:47 p.m.*

kitten looks at me with squinty-like eyes in that way you think might mean "i love you." then i scratch the breast area near where she's sitting and she bats at it. "psych!" but she continues to purr. and woops, there, she just farted. and i love you to darlingest kitty one, but it's a pain in the arse to type with just one hand while you claim the other as bed. you will be so sad when you grow up. though you're bigger now. when you lie like this you almost go all down my fore-arm. and you're getting a golden overtone, my pretty one.

i finished the homemade journal (lovingly made for me by me) and wrote in it. i wrote secrets in it. secrets. it feels so foreign and new to have a secret journal. i didn't know how to do it at first. and my intense entry is all concentrated into 1 1/4 (though i wrote small for me) pages.

i don't feel like i'm betraying the me i used to be by typing up the old journals. though i was duly shocked when angela chase said that anne frank was lucky, i always had a bit of envy for her. she got published. and now i can publish me. it excites me. i feel famous. like what i've written is worth reading. of course everyone's worth reading. we all have interesting inner workings.

but yeah... still getting over the fact that i have secrets. summer blows my mind.

i'm reading the silver kiss by annette curtis klause. it's about vampires. i read her blood and chocolate about werewolves my other summer at home, and it made me say, "yes! that's exactly what it's like to be a werewolf. what am i saying? i'm not a werewolf." but yeah, i liked it because it elicited that reaction. i'm still in chapter one of the silver kiss reading it while logging into a-o-hell.

a-o-hell has had one kind of perk. i have a profile up, so i've had some people im me about that. a couple asking me if i wanted to chat, some guy who's name was something like "ieatout," and some other asshole i don't remember. but then, there's this fun u.p. boy. i'll sound like an elitist new college bitch here, but i didn't know they existed. wait, that's a lie. gotta love j.m. the gay boy who was in the lesbian avengers. but yeah... this boy is even straight. imagine it! me talking to a u.p. straight boy. he's fun to chat with in the evenings when i'm going crazy with boredom. he's funny and he apparently laughs his ass off at a lot of my jokes. and i don't feel at all threatened by him. maybe i should. we have some pretty personal conversations. a lot of dykes have problems with the whole "what exactly do you do?" questions. but i know what it was like to not know what a lesbian did, and although i had more of a personal interest in the subject, and this has the danger of being perverse, i don't mind it. i mean, people are naturally curious. if i feel safe, and maybe i do trust too easily, but if i feel safe, i don't mind getting into personal stuff.

and then last night i had this conversation with another sarasotan. she's pentecostal, but wants to go to new college and was fascinated by my description of uu. i think she's pretty darn cool, too.

i read bamboo girl #10, and it got me all excited and inspired and enraged about life. and i think that's what zines are supposed to do.

*listening to: *
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