*did you think i could really stay away? 2001-06-19 9:59 p.m.*

i don't know what to do or think or say. this has become a common theme, as i learn more and more about my parent's soap operatic lives. i feel cold on the inside, and sharp and dull in a weird way. and just wanting someone to experience these things with me so that they can look in my eyes and see what the affect was and we can go from there so i don't have to tell them these stories, these painful stories.

but now i know why my mom is afraid of knives. it hurts to think about it.

a lot of things hurt to think about sometimes.

and learning to trust my father is too easy. it's trusting my trust that's the hard part.

*listening to: *
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