*beside myself, my soul (6-17-99). 2001-06-17 6:09 p.m.*
i may be going on a bit of a hiatus. all is well, i'm just not feeling like writing. i'm kind of thinking too hard to write much. but who knows? i may be back tonight. in the meantime, here's the 4th olj entry i ever wrote (except for the 5 random thoughts but those don't count). (this isn't the same format i used for the other one... i had side bars... which is what starts the entry, here.)
Song Quote:
I'm dancing in the shadows of life
And death is all around me tonight
I miss you making love to me right
Beside myself I'm holding you tight
Someone is waiting for me to rise
And dive into the ocean I cried
And I cried and I cried my baby to sleep
Beside myself my soul to keep
"Right Beside You"
by Sophie B. Hawkins
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Delicious: When something is so full of facets and little details that you don't feel like it could ever end and every facet is just what you were looking for. Last night I discovered that the Internet journalling world is Delicious.
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YAY! Talked to best friend! We will get together on Tuesday! *does a happy dance* YAY! YAY! YAY!
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Maybe I'm in love. I think I am. Of course I think I am when I'm with about half the people I know, so maybe it's just a flook. It's just that when I talk to this one girl, and always and forever it has been like this, my stomach does flipflops, and all lovesongs remind me of her. Or maybe I'm just 19 going on 14.
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She lived in nightmares like a child.
Oh? You don't think children live in nightmares. You're one of those fools that think of children as goodness and light and faeryland.
But of course you forget the bad side of faeryland. You forget jumping into bed to secape the moster under your bed and being frightened of shadows and sounds.`
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6-17-99
I hate it when my connection gets like this... in and out, on and offline. Bleh! I have two connections and it seems like when one gets grumpy, the other one does too.
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So the trip to the dentist was relatively painless. Confession: I secretly like going to the dentist. I've only had one filling (though it's had to be filled three times) and usually the most unpleasant thing about the trip is the weird taste of the flouride treatment. But I have "perfect teeth" and a chatty dental hygeinist so usually life is good. Which is why I was terrified about letting her know I had a tongue ring...
It started out with her gushing over my hair. She loves it, while it's at a stage that's very frustrating to me right now-- too long and too short. I'm trying to grow it out so that I can... um... have good bangs when I shave it (sort of a Delerium thing... I'm gonna do it on Halloween is my current plan). But unless I gel it, it poofs up. In fact, by the end of the day, no matter what I do, it's poofed, and I look like the love child of Billy Idol and Elvis Presley.
So, she raves about my hair and then asks me what my necklace means, holding it as she speaks. "Gay pride," I say, rather shyly, feeling vaguely funny outing myself to my dental hygeinist, who is the mother of a girl I went to school with and couldn't stand. "What's that mean?" she asked, honestly curious. "It means, um... well, being proud to be gay?" I felt like I was answering a question in school to which I wasn't entirely sure of the answer. "Oh! Like at Disney World two weeks ago! Okay, now I know. I feel so much cooler now!" *grin* So that was a smiley kind of thing. So, she asked about my rune and what a rune was. Then I felt, since she had been so accepting, though... ignorant... I should tell her about the tongue ring. She asked, "Do you want me to kick you now or when you're standing up?" But when I told her it was plastic she said it was okay, and complimented me profusely on how pretty it is! Funny, funny lady. Of course then she went on and on about my perfect teeth, how much I look like my dad, and how obscene my tonsils, as per usual.
Anyway, then Mom and I went out to eat, but before that we went to a health food store where I got to graze the bulk foods section, something I may regret when I die. We went to Bangkok, which was wonderful as usual. Gotta love good ole Thai food. I always get Pad See-Ale, there (Pad See Ewe at Tropical Thai), and order it without meat, telling myself that there's no broth or anything meat-ish in it. If you know that there is meat in it, anyway... don't tell me, please! So, anyway...
Then we went to Best Buy... Now Mom was having a bad day to begin with so both of us were dreading the Best Buy trip. They are always mildly disastrous. Something always goes wrong. This time was no different. It seemed fine until we got home. We had gone for a new remote control, and some replacements for our dying computer mice. Well, I, being the dink that I am, can never remember if my mouse is a PS/2 or not, so I wound up getting two... both the wrong kinds for our computers. *grumble grumble growl* So, that was frustrating.
She doesn't mean to, but whenever Mom has a bad day, I feel like it's somehow my fault, no matter how ridiculous that is. She's getting her period, which is certainly not my fault, and it's put her in a terrible mood. I wind up feeling guilty for pretty much everything... walking through the house, everything. Bleh! Guilt-- bad!
Talked to my sissy tonight! Woohoo! That was fun. I love talking to her on the phone probably more than anyone else in the world. She just has this terrifically funny phone demeanor, and it's just great getting all silly with her. Unfortunately, Mom's room is just a wall away, and I have a hard time staying quiet on the phone, so I ended up waking her up. *sighs*
Well, getting sleepy and miles o' internet to go before I sleep, so... 'night.
*listening to: *
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