*some very uplifting news and a positive turn of events will be a turning point for you. 2001-06-20 11:55 p.m.*

look. i made it. i wrote an entry yesterday i am writing an entry today. hiatus may be over. but the compulsion to write is not like it was, but that may change as well.

i will tell you about my day. i'm still coping with the week, i'm not sure what to say about it just yet, or if i ever will.

i got up at 7:10ish, showered, went to the busstop at 8, got to work 8:40ish, went to publix, read outside, went to work 10:00. there till noon. waited to see if my sister could pick me up, she could not, caught the 1:18 bus to the transfer point. hung out in beautiful downtown venice, at a little coffeehouse, got distracted by glass stuff at an antique store, missed the 2:40 bus. next bus was at 4:40, decided to walk. sweated, got dizzy, got honked at, got sunburnt, stopped at publix to use the toilet and drink some water, got asked if i needed a ride home 2 blocks from home, got stormed on one block from my house. got home right when the bus was supposed to have picked me up from the transfer point. 2 hours. i'm thinking like 6 miles. from 3ish-5ish. in florida heat. boo-ya.

best part is that i didn't get paid. i basically put in an 8 hour day there. no pay. then later i had to go on an appointment with someone. also no pay. sometimes i want to hit things.

but when i, um, saw my dad yesterday, his wife ordered $305 worth of stuff, which gives me $30-ish so that's good stuff. and i have an appointment with my sister and some actual leads around here... so... i like my job except for the pressure. that's what makes me so frustrated.

so frustrated that that in combination with the emotional stress of trying to figure out whether to trust my father, learning depressing stories about my parents' lives, a bunch of random stuff, and missing james, i break down into tears quite frequently, tonight in front of mom. which wound up working out because i am now the proud owner of round trip ticketless tickets to jacksonville to see james. in one week. for one week. life is not so bad, then, i think. i'm still helluv confused about so many things, but they don't call me person o' the blissful state o' confusion for nothing! if i wasn't confused i'd be confused about why i wasn't confused.

*listening to: *
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