*me=androgynous zone. 2002-04-09 2:56 a.m.*

kissing jessica stein makes me so glad to be gay. you all should watch it and then of course you will want me.

or not.

but it's still a good film.

life is not so bad as last night. the antsiness has subsided, but perhaps that is because i've done something so daring as walking home drunk at 2 am. oh wait, no, that's stupid, not daring. but i couldn't find awake people to drive me home, and i wanted to do some thinking. i'm still feeling floppy, but i'm mainly along the lines of sober. i did something i should have done earlier tonight, and so i feel better about myself there.

oh, the exish and i are now back in contact, which is nice, though decidedly awkward. less awkward than if it were in person of course so that's good.

yes, so i'm drunk enough to be completely random and rambly. michael and i went and saw kissing jessica stein and it was soooo good, it warmed my little lesbian heart. and it made us want to be adventurous, but the extent of our adventurousness tonight was dessert, which turned into the concept of drinking the exciting beverages at applebee's, so i, um, maybe had 5 drinks due to their happy hour all day thing. and someone exciting came along, but i won't say who so i can write about my bravery afterwards, though they can feel free to write about whatever they want to write about.

so yeah, michael dropped us off and my plan was to go visit jennifer connelly, but i had my brave moment on the stairs.

some of you know something. okay, a lot of you know something. it's shameful, really. and some of you have been warning me to keep this to myself, but you know, it's been there long enough, something either needed to happen or i needed to get on with my life, because as much fun as a crush may be, sometimes it just lasts too long, and you kind of just want them to know. especially, since you think they'd probably just be pleased to know that someone felt that way about them.

so you were brave and you told them. and maybe, the feelings were not reciprocated. and perhaps you will be a saddish girl for awhile, but you will know that you made someone's night a little happier and you will know you were brave. and so it's all good. and they took it well and didn't beat, you and listened to you rambling drunken stories about the life of the crush, and laughed with you, and even though it wasn't exactly how the moment ever went in your head, it's still not the worst moment of your life, or even close really. maybe tomorrow, you will groan and put a pillow over your head at the idea of it, but right now, right now, it's still a good thing.

so can someone tell me why my guestbook and another.com are down? and don't tell me it's because i'm drunk, because thye're definitely having issues independent of my clicking and typing skills. and just look at how relatively typo free this entry is.

(ps, i still think you're cool.)

*listening to: *
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