*i can see clearly now. or at least for a moment. 2002-09-11 3:28 a.m.*

i was very honest about everything tonight. after this weird all in my head fight that never happened with james, we wound up going to the 4 winds and talking about everything, and why we know each other so well, and sex, and sadness, and the boy, and all that stuff. soooo good.

so glowing from all that, i came back, and started working on an email to the boy laying it all out. saying, "i like you lots and lots, i think you're hot, but let's just look at this month now, okay?" because the other night, right after i wrote here about how i'm all okay with it being short and stuff... he got all, "so are you seeing anyone, because i'm coming back." you're friggin' coming back in 6 months! i don't see it, honestly. but i didn't say anything then, because i was just sort of surprised by it all.

anyway... so as i was composing that email, the crush imed me, and we chatted for awhile, and finally i just broke down and said, "i seriously think you're one of the like, 10 hottest things since sliced bread, and if circumstances weren't like they are, and i think they're supergood, and i don't want them different, and yeah... i'd be like random wall guy. *blush* and i'm only telling you that as a compliment from the bottom of my dorky boy heart, and not in any attempt to make anything awkward. k." my standard crush speech. *laughs* and well, she... feels the same way. we feel the same, "you're hott and fun and we connect real well and i care about you, but... not right now. it might be too much."

so i sent out the email, and even though i haven't heard back, because he's asleep... i feel wonderful about life just right this second.

*listening to: *
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