*why i am satan 2001-05-03 2:28 p.m.*

i'm in the middle of a class right, now but i couldn't focus. the prof's hair flipping could not keep me. so i ran to my room to write out quickly some things.

last night, as i was going to sleep, i realized that somehow along the way, in the past couple of weeks, i've become a mean person. for the sake of whatever, i've decided that it's mainly a case of stress. i've become mean though, because i don't like everyone. it's a rare thing for me to really dislike a person. which makes me sound like a wannabe saint, but i'm really not. i'm really just one of those people that genuinely likes people. lots of people. even when they drive me crazy, when i don't really want to be around them, when i'm scared of them for one reason or another, rational or irrational, i like them. what does that mean? i don't know.

last night i was thinking of all the tiems in the past week where the words, "i really don't like that person" have come out of my mouth, and it really bothers me. a lot. because i mean, imagine being that one person in all the world who i don't like. if it's so rare then maybe it's stronger. but the point is, i like those people, too. they were just driving me crazy at the time. it's that time in the semester where i'm easily annoyed.

anyway so i woke up this morning, and obsessively checked my diaryland world. and lookee, 2 new people have listed me as favorites and one of them is lisa frank and she said something about me talking shit about her. and i laughed. about how i've never had anyone say that about me. that i'm talking shit. and i've obsessed about it all morning. how i've become a shit-talker. and i don't know what that means. and the thing is that i don't dislike lisa frank, really, we just aren't the same sorts of people, which is fine. so i'm mean to this person i don't even dislike.

which makes me a horrible person. no matter what anyone i asked in class today might say.

*listening to: *
<<< | >>>

*<<<<<* *<<* *<* | *>* *>>* *>>>>>*
*random* *list*