*still in love with all of you. 2002-05-01 1:13 a.m.*

mmm... niceness.

i was so antsy at work today. i was about ready to fall asleep after my first hour, so i went down to the first floor to get a mountain dew, and then i couldn't sit still, and i had to pee every 20 minutes, and i kept walking around and doing random things. i was very ready to go to the beach at the end of my shift.

laurel tree and jennifer connelly and james came and picked me up from work, and they gave me a brownie, and we bopped around to "song 2" by blur and i took my glasses off and stuck my head out the window, and felt free in a way like last year felt so much of the time. and then we got to the beach, and took off our clothes and ran into the water, and we were mermaids and i felt so beautiful and it was so great to be friends with these people right here, and i never wanted to leave that moment. but not in that way where i clung to it, really, i just loved it and wanted it to stay, but i wasn't sad that it wouldn't. if that makes sense. i wasn't sad that it had to end. and then we went to our blanket and talked and ate brownies, and played "truth or dare without the dares" because we'd been daring enough. i think only 2 questions were asked, but it was conversation fodder for a good hour, i think. we talked about the illegal things we've done (somehow i think i came out ahead, though i felt pretty tame), and our secret desires that we've never told anyone. i actually could think of a few things that i'd told only one person on the blanket, or people not on the blanket, but nothing that no one had ever heard before. and then we talked about crushes on boys and relationships with boys and how frustrating and hurtful they've been for them, and i talked about my weird fears about my friends having sex with boys and it hurting and how i feel so protective of all the vaginas of the earth and we talked about who we would have sex with on campus and yeah... fun personal good conversation of the type i just love.

tomorrow is tech rehearsal, which is kind of scary and exciting. otherwise no real news right now.

(addendum, 2:48 am: oh, the yumminess!

totally how i felt at the beach tonight. and i love the butterfly woman here! oh, the wonders of boobies!

*listening to: listening to: the geography and abc's of love mix tapes that was made for me, finally.*
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