*but you know i'm really a pacifist. 2002-07-26 12:21 a.m.*

i am not this kind of creature at all, but i really have the urge to punch a particular person in the jaw. and the reasoning behind it is the weirdest bit of it all. it's because i feel like it would be the most cleansing thing in the world, and if, well, if this person could get over the fact that i just punched them in the jaw, we could be friends. maybe. it's this person i've never been particularly fond of, and who has hurt me and mine many many times. but people do grow, and lately they've been seeming remarkably human to me. and i'd like to just let it go and try and be friends and stuff, but i want this person to know the depth of hurt that i've felt, and for some reason, i feel like a nice square sock in the jaw could do it.

i don't think this will ever ever happen. i don't think i'll ever sock anyone in the jaw. but what's nice to know is that if i were to do it right now, there would be some power to that punch. sometimes i sit and move my arm around with my other hand on my upper arm. and i feel all the muscles moving around underneath the relatively small padding of flesh, and it's super-exciting. maybe this feeling of retribution is just my own desire to show off that i would have the power to hurt someone really bad, because it's really the only way to justify any sort of hurting that i could do.

yes, i know, i know that hurting is not really all that powerful, that there are other things i could do with these vaguely muscled arms, but... i want swift definite proof that these arms are as strong as i think they are.

*listening to: *
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