*and neopets is back up! 2002-05-31 2:54 p.m.*

my family is sooo weird! and funerals are sooo weird! but in different ways.

well, the first weird thing is that the funeral director looks like my grandma's husband, so that was surreal. my mom and i at first thought it was his brother, and then it wound up just being this guy.

then my aunt and cousin were there, as well as my aunt's ex-husband. i realized i haven't seen the aunt or cousin since 94, but i've seen the ex-husband more recently at a show i went to in high school. he was in pork pie tribe, back in the day when it existed (and i used to always have alaska s. play "my dog pedro" on his radio show), and now he works at the italian restaurant next to tropical thai, playing some music.

my aunt's first whispered comment to me was "how's your dick?" since i sent her a copy of my zine. i wasn't surprised that she said it, more surprised that it was exactly what i thought she was going to say. right after that, my mom and i went to the rest room, but there was only one for each sex, so one of the funeral directors told me i could use the men's. woo-hoo.

my mom and i stayed out in the lobby for as long as possible, talking to family, rather than sitting and staring at the open casket. finally, we had to go in, though, and i got so nauseous when they were closing the casket. i started to feel really claustrophobic and tight chested, and super pukish. but then the minister spoke, and i was able to focus on the odd color of his scalp rather than the dead body in the closed box. mom and i held hands, even through the prayers.

afterwards, there was the procession, which was surreal. it felt like we had this emergency, with all the cops and everything, but that we weren't actually in a hurry to get anywhere. and the "funeral" thing on the top of the hood wasn't fastened in any way we could figure out, and it just seemed super strange. when we got to the cemetery, my dad said, "oh, you brought a fun meal? oh, no, that says, 'funeral.'"

they're putting him in the crypt thing, with the marble walls with names and dates everywhere. most of the marble is white, but he's right up in the center where there's a darker color. there are a few of those in the shape of a cross. grandma's 3 down from that, her name already on it, which creeped my aunt and dad out a whole lot. apparently he had bought that for her before they even got married. people are so very strange.

and then we all went back to my grandma's house, where there were sandwiches and things, so i stood around feeling very awkward, talking to my aunt's ex a lot and thinking about how that side of the family is so similar. on the way home, mom commented on how none of us have top lips, even my aunt's ex-husband. he really does look like he could be related to us by blood.

it's so weird being with my dad and his generation on that side of the family. they all have their wry sense of humor and the tiny top lip thing and the many marriages and past and current addictions, slow talking and moving from the drugs and the injuries. it's weird sitting back and thinking that this is my family. i love them and they're dear to me, but... it's weird.

*listening to: *
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