*i am the wild woman at your door. 2002-03-22 2:57 a.m.*

i really have not been talking about anything here lately. prancing around the issues, flaunting them, so proud of how i can get so close without actually touching them, but still too afraid of them to address them here.

so many things i want to write about that don't seem appropriate in light of my audience, but that never get written down in my paper diary, either.

do you ever get that feeling like you are looking at yourself in the mirror, and you focus on each individual part, and you get it down so well, but then one day, you realize that you forgot to even notice the existence of your nose, your left elbow and either of your pinky toes. and that you've been believing in this image of yourself without any of these things.

or do you ever have the feeling that you're looking at everything through some sort of clear film and you can never be certain how much it distorts things, but you do know that it totally fucks up your depth perception?

i wonder what it would be like to see my nose and my left elbow and my pinky toe. i wonder what a clear perception of the world would be like.

and then you wonder if you're wishing for the lack of these things you don't see or if you're wishing to see them. and you wonder if you'd rather have clear perceptions or have things be the way you think they are. but you know you sure as hell want something.

i feel so vague.

don't make me get all poetic on your ass.

(link: this is mainly posted for jennifer connelly, 'cause she wants to be the alterna martha stewart. i have it in my favorites, because it makes me wish i were craftier.)

*listening to: *
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