*i need some sort of hug machine in my room, i think. 2001-12-17 11:13 a.m.*

sometimes i feel like the sad is some greasy filmy skin over my own skin. i try and shake it off, and sometimes it slips down a bit. i can feel it dangling off of my toe. if i just shake long enough, it'll drop lightly to the ground and i can scoop it up and throw it away with all the other things on my floor that need to be thrown away. perhaps it would give me the impetus to clean my room.

i did not wake up feeling so cheated and saddened by the world this morning. i didn't have the "christmas morning with nothing under the tree" feeling either, which has been what i've been waking up with for months now. i woke up groggy, having to pee, a cat licking my face. *lick lick bite. lick lick bite.* not a hard bite at all, but the pattern puzzled me. i went to the bathroom, and then went to my desk, jostling my computer mouse to remove the screensaver. oilly had left a sweet but confusing message for me on aim. i sat down, and tried to type in web addresses, but for the first few minutes, all my letters were mixed up and wrong.

so i guess, i'm trying to say that i woke up confused, and as the muddled-headedness works itself out, the sad creeps back. i don't feel betrayed or angered or anything except very very sad. i don't even really think it's the despairing sad that overwhelmed me last night, it's just a sad that i think i need to address in bed with a good book.

(link: scary spice sent me this link once, and it was so random, but i kept it.)

*listening to: *
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