*i was referring to the title and style of the entry, not the actual content of my conversation with sam. i'm gay. it's okay. 2001-06-12 10:25 a.m.*

the phone rang twice this morning. it tends to do that. and whether you run for it or let the answering machine get it, there's never anyone there. but this morning, lo and behold, when i did creep out of bed (at 10:00, exactly, not quite meeting my pre-10:00 goal, but not bad), there were messages on the machine. in the past 2 1/2 weeks, i've been able to press the play button one other time. oh, we're popular over here. anyway... 2 messages, even. one was from the place where i'm having the interview, reminding me of it, and giving me their number in case i need directions. (this is one of those "summer job" ads you find in the paper. where they're suspiciously vague. but hell, i need money. i'm about ready to start working at herman's meats. actually, no. i'm not. anyway...) i think i may call, because i understood the directions they gave me when we talked the first time, but it's in a publix shopping center and i honestly have no idea what i'll be looking for IN the shopping center. the other phone call was from opti-mart. my glasses are ready. eeee! excitement and fear. like with a new haircut, i wonder if i will be a different person with new glasses.

i read can't stop the world #2 during my morning routine this morning. cute. and the girl goes to hampshire, which i think is the most fascinating thing about it. i wonder what hampshire's like. it sounded like new college in the mailings i got, but it's so much more expensive, etc. what does that mean?

and i had an email from james. a short little email that made me hug myself in glee, and made me feel like a silly little girl for letting my dreamworld get to me. of course things are well. and the lesson i need to relearn this summer is how to like myself and trust myself even when i'm stuck alone with my thoughts. it's not the lessons i got taught last summer but didn't really learn until early winter. but yeah, i no longer feel cracked or on crack, so life is once again manageable.

*listening to: *
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