*"i'm sorry i'm so difficult." "you're just the right amount of difficult." "like porridge or baby bear's chair." 2001-05-25 12:53 p.m.*

we watched harold and maude and tank girl last night. i love harold and maude so much! it renews my faith in life. ("i don't pray. i communicate. with life.") it makes me want to be the most interesting old lady ever when i grow up, so i have to do lots of interesting things now. and it makes me sing, "bring tea for the tillerman, steak for the sun, wine for the woman who made the rain come, seagulls sing your hearts away, 'cause while the sinners sin, the children play, oh lord how they play and play for that happy day, oh that happy day," which was something like my mantra last year. i wrote that on so many things and it went through my head so many times. it's so beautiful. and the whole song is like 86 seconds long.

i'd never seen tank girl before last night and now i totally understand jennifer connelly's obsession with it. it's also one of those movies that makes you say, "who the fuck thought of this?" but in a good way. it appeals to my sense of the insane. yes. and lori petty is way hot.

after the films we (laurel tree, jennifer connelly, james, and myself) made construction paper art projects and i read the first 2 chapters of cherokee bat and the goat guys aloud. i love moments like that. it was so nice and cozy. i felt like this was what life is what it is meant to be, etc., all that cheesy stuff that feels so good.

"what makes you happy, come along with me." on earth day twinkle came and sang, which was so exciting, because she sang with my dad when i was a wee little kidlet. we hugged and stuff and she asked how he was. i was pretty honest about things and she said that that was what she thought. anyway, she played at fandango's last night so michael, refreaka and i went and heard her sing. she's got such a gorgeous voice and her music is beautiful. i still have her tape that came out when she was schascle, but i haven't listened to it in ages. if i recall it's like y kan't tori read to the beauty of the music that she does these days. but she hugged me last night too. it was good. music is a good connection to have.

this morning james and i woke up and i insisted that if we lay there forever the world would stop, graduation would not happen and people would come and visit. she was not so optimistic. so we got out of bed and now the world may never know ("one, two, three. crunch. three.").

i'm going home for the summer. that is what has been decided as being for the best. it raises some new complications, like getting my cat defleaed somehow before i get back to the house and our 3 other cats, and the fact that i am known to get really really depressed when i spend long periods of time in my house. this could be remedied by me getting a job, which will keep me busy and occupied, and i need a job anyway, but the closest thing is herman's meats. i think not.

i was looking so much forward to the summer and now that it's staring me in the face it's scaring me. and making me kind of sad. bleh. why must i be so difficult, yo?

*listening to: *
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