*and i cry sometimes when i'm lying in bed, just to get it all out what's in my head... 2002-09-20 11:30 p.m.*

i'm so hyperdramatic these days. phrases like "i don't know what would be harder, falling in love and dealing with that, or this daily challenge to not fall in love" run through my head. my life is the land of confusion, guys, and i'm really not sure what to do or think or say about it all. so i will sit here, naked, and just give you all a brief update before i get dressed for the prom wall.

boy is stupid. stuuuuupid. like makes me cry and has no idea stupid. and so everybody's all "get rid of him," and i was all ready to, when i think someone may have tipped him off or something, and now he's being ubersweet, and i'm not sure what to do. because i honestly think he does care for me, and... i really don't want him to. at all. especially at this point. blah.

meanwhile, much has been said with the girl, and last night she came by at 3 in the morning and held me while i cried, and we stayed up talking until 8 am when she left my room after tucking me in and kissing my cheek. we do reeeeeally like each other, but she's so scared of fucking my head up that we're just going to not do anything right now.

but like... it makes me wonder... how do you know when you are ready to be with someone? especially when... you really want to be with them and they want to be with you. how do you really know you're ready.

and james thinks it's going to happen eventually. she's been having psychic moments lately and believes that the world would be right if she woke up to find the girl on her way to the bathroom in a t-shirt.

but i mean, it's at such a scary point right now. we soooo genuinely care about each other that we don't want to make it turn into something that warps that caring, you know?

*sigh*

*listening to: *
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