*okay, i'll bite. 2001-07-13 8:05 p.m.*

everybody's doing it (doing it, doing it.)

1) You would need far less therapy if you no longer identified with what song?

"professional widow," just for the lines "starfucker, just like my daddy."

2) Your high school administration decides/decided to give their teachers a much-needed vacation, and you are asked to teach a course. Which subject would you agree to?

i'd teach senior a.p. english to give them a break from satan spawn, and to maybe keep them awake through an entire class period.

3) We suddenly live in a society where our idea of 'traditional schooling' is obsolete. Instead, the government has reinstated the old practice of apprenticeships, with the added bonus that potential men and women alike can choose where they would like to study. What would you choose?

do i have to do something, um, manual, or can i still do the whole minister thing?

4) You discover you're going to die tomorrow. How would you react and what might you do?

i'd flip, and wind up making my mom have so much credit card debt as i call all my friends and tell them to come over right this second even if they're in fucking england, and offering to pay for their tickets.

5) You discover you're going to live (healthy) to 315. What might you do differently based on this newfound longevity?

i'd do everything slower, and hopefully obsess about "what if"s a whole lot less.

6) Be honest. Do you actually like:

a. Harry Potter?

yes.

b. Boy bands?

not so much.

c. Your parents?

i love and like my mom. i love and do not like my dad.

d. That dish your grandma/ aunt brings to family gatherings?

that marshmallow pistachio pudding pineapple creation? hell, yeah! but now she makes a non-marshmallow one, with pretzel brittle in it, just for vegetarian me.

e. Surveys?

of course. i love to talk about me. have you noticed?

7) For the next decade, you must agree to look either punk or goth at all times. Which appearance would you choose?

punk, because i'd look like such a poser if goth. can you see me being all happy and bubbly, and yet goth? hm... maybe the irony intrigues me.

8) The phone rings with the absolute best news you've ever received. Who is on the line and what do they say?

the c.e.o. in charge of chili's (da bomb) telling me they will now be stocking all their restaurants with knives they will buy from me.

9) TV executives approach you wishing to do a series about your superhero alter-ego. What would be

a. Your name?

some random person ("it's a bird! it's a plane! it's... some random person!")

b. Your theme song?

"pixie" by ani difranco "i'm a pixie, i'm a paper doll, i'm a cartoon, i'm a chipper cheerful free for all and i light up a room, i'm the color me happy girl, miss live and let live, but when they're out for blood i always give..." 'cause then i'd get to be a cartoon!

c. Your look?

cartoon punk me! with delerium-esque hair (and can i talk in tie-dye, too?). and sometimes i'd be like superdyke! and other days, i'd be like fairy princess girl.

d. Your superpower?

i'd make people like themselves. but according to emode, my superpower is time travel.

10) How do you wish to be perceived by others?

as myself.

11) How do you wish you perceived yourself?

brave and bold.

12) Put the following ten items in the order you'd be most willing to give them up: chocolate, sex, dessert, love, anger, sadness, peace, justice, books, self-expression. (Start with the one you're most willing to surrender.)

dessert, anger, sadness, chocolate, justice, sex, books, self-expression, peace, love.

('cause justice is more of a male construct and what is right isn't always what is most.... sympathetic? um, yeah... and 'cause self-expression without the capacity for peace would be kind of scary... then again anger would be gone, so, hmm... but yeah, books would be pretty worthless without self-expression. and by love i don't mean in love.)

13) Finish the following phrase with the first thing that comes to mind. Peace, Love and ___.

laughter

14) The second?

light

15) A Hollywood executive (or a cool Sundance filmmaker, if you prefer - I do) wants to do a remake of one of your favorite movies, with you in whatever role you choose. What is the film and what is your role?

i'd be diana to megan follows' anne of green gables.

16) Same scenario as 15 with a play or musical.

little red in into the woods, yo.

17) Describe a perfect world in one word.

loved.

18) Describe a perfect world in two words.

all loved.

19) An abstract painting of your heart would resemble...

i don't know.

20) In a previous life you were...

emily dickinson's cat.

21) In a future life you will be...

probably still confused.

22) What do you love more than love?

nothing.

23) What do you hear in these sounds?

gigi.

24) What do you prefer about sleeping: the dreams or the rest?

the rest.

25) You are allowed to do away with one criminal act. What would it be?

Rape.

26) The Obligatory Word Assocation segment:

-pigtail

ponytail

-anger

red

-bicycle

helmet

-atoms

smota

-tea

darjeeling

-chocolate

(i just sort of space out and drool forms in the corner of my mouth.)

-night

moves

-day

o, me say day me say day me say day o.

-sadness

"trouble oh trouble set me free."

-spaceship

raviolios.

-superhero

ani.

-melissa ferrick

the lesbian community at livejournal.

-hot

james. la (she's going to laugh and laugh when she sees that i'd give up sex before 4 other things. she will say, "yeah right, spot!")

27) Is life a four-letter word?

yes, and so is liff. but not in the way you mean.

28) Is thin?

yeah.

29) Is hate? love? fuck? time?

yes, no, can be, um.

30) What is the opposite of thin?

wide.

31) Would you rather die- suddenly in your sleep, in an accident, or after a long illness?

in my sleep.

32) Do you think it's a good idea to live every day as if you might die tomorrow?

not if it makes you all like hyper and spastic and rushed, because i think it might do that to me.... i wonder if my kitten is doing that, she's being hyper and spastic and chasing her tail in the litter box.

33) Would you rather be a dentist or a math teacher?

i could do like elementary school math? that might be fun. but i think dentist. i have a friend who's going to dental school, and she loves it.

34) Would you rather be a dentist or a gym teacher?

dentist.

35) Rearrange these words: apple, eye, the, this, work, fluctuates, enter, dream, of, you, I, reconfigure, self, heart, epic, self. Feel free to add endings or use words twice.

eye the apple

i enter you

i dream of work

self fluctuates

heart reconfigures

eye this epic

(yes, i am a religion major.)

36) On a regular basis do you agree with the thought processes of

-George Dubya Bush?

nope

-Ani DiFranco?

quite a bit.

-your parents/ guardians/ warden?

my mom and i are on too different wavelengths for me to understand her, but i admire and respect her. my dad and i are on too much the same wavelength for my own good.

-your classmates?

some of them

-your high school guidance counselor?

one of them.

37) Who, more than anyone else, do you wish saw you differently?

i wish i could understand my mom.

38) Is there heaven on earth?

sure. but it is marred by that damn song.

39) Is there heaven off earth?

maybe.

40) Are you

-religious?

i don't know. am i?

-spiritual?

yes.

-peaceful?

way more than i used to be.

-strong?

way more than i used to be. more than i think i am, i think.

-short-tempered?

i don't know. am i?

-quick to love?

yes. like the wise abraham isaac kook.

-quick to hate?

no.

-prone to colds?

sometimes.

-allergic to things?

sometimes i feel like i'm allergic to life.

-a daydream believer?

yes.

-a homecoming queen?

oh i'm horrible. i really want to say something about my whole "i am one big erogenous zone" and taking out the word "home" and making it all get bad and naughty, so i will leave this space intentionally blank.

41) What, if any, of question 40's components do you wish you could answer differently?

could someone please tell me if i'm religious or short-tempered. and um, i'd like to stop being allergic to life. thanks. yours respectfully, me. ("that would be fine, if you were addressing a letter to the catalogue store.")

42) Do you feel like you're wasting time on this survey?

no.

If yes, do you mind?

yes.

43) Create your own Forrest Gump simile: Life is like __.

life

44) Re-analyze the original Forrest Gump simile. What does "life is like a box of chocolates" really mean?

you gotta wonder why some of the things in it even exist.

45) Life's too short for...

hating yourself.

46) Once again: peace, love and...

self-respect.

47) Are you happy?

yes.

48) Are you worthy of being happy?

sure, everyone is. it's not recognizing that that causes a person to do yucky things, just to be happy.

49) Question for anyone who is not me who decides to answer this survey: I __ Atomgirl.

don't know

50) Is this the end?

if my mom weren't asleep i'd put on the doors right now. rar.

51) Do you like pickles?

too much. and so does my husband. which proves that there is a psychic link between this lesbian and her gay boi husband.

*listening to: *
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