*a year ago i left england. (and i've never been able to write poetry) 2002-01-31 8:02 p.m.*

where the neighborhood changes (1-29-01)

exhibit a:

snippet of email to friend from high school who is now working with mom and will be going to the u.k. in march:

as to pointers about this little island... trousers are pants, pants are underwear. remember that, don't forget it, it will save you much embarassment. um... there are lots of good free museums and stuff, especially in edinburgh. edinburgh's beautiful, glasgow's dirty and scary, but it has a cool religious art gallery, and london is big and sprawling. dublin's good and it makes you feel like literary genius could seep into your skin. belfast is scary, police cameras watch everyone at all times... they could tell you what time it said on your watch, and it's very very very empty at night. oxford is friendlier than cambridge, and it has some cool lewis carroll tie-in's. whitby is up in the yorkshire moors, on the coast, and i highly recommend it. it's a nice, pretty little coastal village, but i think at tourist season it can get pretty intense, so go there before the summer if you go, and i highly recommend it. some of dracula took place there and there's a gorgeous old ruined abbey. the independent hostel, harbour grange, is fantastic. but unless you go in tourist season, work will be really hard to find. there's more work than people in lots of ireland, including dublin. kilkenny's a pretty city, i want to see more of galway, but i've heard it's pretty "cultural." the welsh are a lot like the people that raised the female gelfling in the dark crystal. wales is a lot more beautiful than you'd ever expect for a country that gets looked over as much as it does. scotland's good too. vegetarian haggis is not too bad. the best hostel is the william wallace hostel in stirling, scotland. very friendly. don't worry about yha hostels. i haven't stayed in one yet, but i've heard that independent hostels are generally better, and most yha hostels are only open in peak tourist times. the worst hostel i stayed at i think was the one in york, york backpackers, and even that wasn't too bad, just a creepy guy working in the bar. city hostels are generally less friendly than smaller town ones. they're also a lot bigger. when a hostel says it gives breakfast, that's bread and tea. um, yeah... that's all i can think of off the top of my head... any specific questions? and how are you, anyway!?

exhibit b:

email/poem i wrote to leslie, entitled "london":

and she wrote poems to the sky

without touching a page

because she felt skittish around them

like a friend she had a fight with

and really wanted to call

but every time she picked up the phone

the paper looked unappealing

and she felt nauseous.

and she read harry potter and laughed out loud

in a 85th floor flat in kensington

and thought about doo-wop and martial arts

and jeanette winterson

and ex-lovers who never existed.

she didn't live in london

she was leaving soon

other cities were better

but

london was london was london was

not edinburgh or dublin

but certainly not glasgow

or tampa

and she wouldn't be back

so she glowed at the flourescent screen

and clicked

and crackled

and fizzed

(but she did not smoke)

and sighed.

because maybe it was tragic

or sad

or poetically just

that suddenly something like

agorophobia had set in

in the fascinating city of london

with its ghosts and punks and piccadilly

and this train stops at edgeware rd

change at edgeware rd

for

london

exhibit c:

snippet from aol im conversation with lia

wasdelight: oh oh oh oh oh!!!

mystic l i a: what?

mystic l i a: yeah?

mystic l i a: yeahyeahyeah?

wasdelight: so... there's this club-- the astoria... and they have a few g.a.y. camp nights a week...

mystic l i a: yeah?

wasdelight: and we went 2 fridays ago (my friend buttercup and me)...

mystic l i a: cool

mystic l i a: and?

wasdelight: and there was this girl and i was like totally staring at her... she was the most gorgeous being i have ever seen in my life

mystic l i a: awesome

wasdelight: and the way she danced... like buttercup and i were both like "she just sparkles"

wasdelight: like it was amazing...

mystic l i a: if only you had photos...

mystic l i a: =]

wasdelight: so... we went back this last friday...

wasdelight: (totally!!!)

mystic l i a: was she there?

wasdelight: so that i *cough* could stalk her....

wasdelight: and... she wasn't there...

wasdelight: and she wasn't there....

mystic l i a: awww.

mystic l i a: darn

wasdelight: and then like, i was talking to buttercup, and i turn around, and she had just come in

mystic l i a: cool!

wasdelight: and i start like squealing... and buttercup's like what? (and i'm saying like a lot!!!)

mystic l i a: =]

wasdelight: and... i was doing that twitchy head thing... you know how when you want a person to look behind you, but you don't want to actually say it

mystic l i a: yeah

wasdelight: and she took forever but then finally she realized, and we started jumping up and down and stuff.... it was so funny

mystic l i a: =]

wasdelight: so... for the rest of the night, i stared at her

mystic l i a: that sounds like a nice night

wasdelight: and i was like, "i have to tell her she's beautiful..."

mystic l i a: yeah, I know what you mean

wasdelight: and she kept talking to her friends... and she hadn't done that the other night...

wasdelight: so it was like, "she's telling them about how i'm staring at her, blah blah blah... she hates me..."

mystic l i a: and?

wasdelight: but i still had to tell her... so, the whole night my stomach was just churning...

mystic l i a: the dots....you've got me waiting to hear the climax here. =]

mystic l i a: aww

mystic l i a: that's cute

wasdelight: and finally buttercup was getting tired, so i said, "okay, we'll wait for the next bad song and then i'll tell her and then we'll go..."

wasdelight: so they played "take on me"

wasdelight: and... um... all these really good '80's songs...

mystic l i a: so of course you couldn't go.

wasdelight: and then they played "i had the time of my life" and they'd played that the night we went before, and she'd danced with this guy, and she danced with him again.... and it was so amazing... and i just wanted to cry... she was just... amazing

wasdelight: (i'm so 12!!!!!)

mystic l i a: awwwwwww

mystic l i a: hey, it's okay. you're adorable! =]

wasdelight: (you know how when you want to accentuated something you type the last letter a lot... like with the awwwww, there? i almost wrote, i'm so 12222222.... which wouldn't have worked.... anyway....)

wasdelight: so... after that, she started getting her stuff, and so i was like, "it's now or never..."

mystic l i a: well, i would have gotten the gist of it.

mystic l i a: dija tell her?

mystic l i a: huh huh huh?

wasdelight: so i turn to her, and she looks at me and smiles, and starts walking towards me, too... and i said, "hey... i'm going back home to the u.s. in a few days, but i just have to tell you that you're really beautiful."

wasdelight: and she HUGGED ME!!!!!!!!

mystic l i a: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mystic l i a: that's soooooooo awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

wasdelight: she said, "i'm going to be famous in five years and they're going to ask me how i got famous and i'm going to say, "i met this american girl and she said i was lovely'"

mystic l i a: awwww

wasdelight: and she asked my name, and her name's spook, and she asked buttercup's name, and if she'd be around, and the

mystic l i a: that's jsut to perfect for words.

wasdelight: then told her to come back to the club and tell her how i'm doing sometimes!

mystic l i a: that's so cool

wasdelight: and she kissed our cheeks

mystic l i a: =]

wasdelight: and asked if we'd been there the week before

wasdelight: she remembered us!!!!

mystic l i a: cool!!

wasdelight: but then she had to leave, and i was just in this daze... and they played another good song, and amanda and i were jumping around

mystic l i a: you're so adorable

wasdelight: and then another song came on, and suddenly she was back... she'd forgotten something... and when she left she blew me a kiss and winked

wasdelight: *sigh*

mystic l i a: =]

mystic l i a: *sigh*

wasdelight: we're going to get married

mystic l i a: yup!

mystic l i a: you are.

mystic l i a: and it's going to be the perfect marrage. =]

wasdelight: of course

wasdelight: god! i live in such a fantasy world!

mystic l i a: hey, it's okay. it's fun

wasdelight: she smokes... and so whenever she lit up, i'd look away.... because in my world she doesn't smoke... so like, i kind of believe she doesn't smoke.... like i don't.... but the her i'm going to marry doesn't smoke

exhibit d:

see song... and add that ani is my conscience. i will fight for what i think is real and right. i want to make lives better somehow. i don't want to feel helpless like i did in the tube station when the old woman probably died. i'm going to go on to divinity school. i can always change my mind. but yeah. i want to help people. i think i could do that as a unitarian minister. and i can question things. and i can get answers. and continue to ask.

and she's fantastic in concert.

and i was there with laura. who had to pee. so i stood in behind two people, while she wound up somewhere in the middle.

i got there at 4, for a 7:30 concert.

i couldn't get on the midnight bus to london. i'm at a 24 hour internet place till the next bus. at 6:30.

exhibit e:

my conch piercing, union jack docs, fcuk t-shirt, and my bank accounts.

The windows of my soul

are made of one way glass

don't bother looking into my eyes

if there's something you want to know, just ask

I got a dead bolt stroll

where I'm going is clear

I won't wait for you to wonder

I'll just tell you why I'm here

'cause I know the biggest crime

is just to throw up your hands

say

this has nothing to do with me

I just want to live as comfortably as I can

you got to look outside your eyes

you got to think outside your brain

you got to walk outside you life

to where the neighborhood changes

tell me who is your boogieman

that's who I will be

you don't have to like me for who I am

but we'll see what you're made of

by what you make of me

I think that it's absurd

that you think I

am the derelict daughter

I fight fire with words

words are hotter than flames

words are wetter than water

I got friends all over this country

I got friends in other countries too

I got friends I haven't met yet

I got friends I never knew

I got lovers whose eyes

I've only seen at a glance

I got strangers for great grandchildren

I got strangers for ancestors

I was a long time coming

I'll be a long time gone

you've got your whole life to do something

and that's not very long

so why don't you give me a call

when you're willing to fight

for what you think is real

for what you think is right

"Willing to Fight" by Ani Difranco

*listening to: *
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