*2 whiskey sours, 2 pbrs, a shirley temple, and a vegetarian hot dog with pesto'll do it to ya. 2003-10-18 2:04 a.m.*

people are so scary and i'm a people and sometimes i scare myself and oh i am so whipped but at the same time i'm wondering if these games (of which there were none except a cheek kiss and this hug with my arms all around her and her dancing and oh oh oh) should stop they're already starting to get old and maybe i should just be single or together but these games in between get boring but ha it's not like i can just say "poof, give me a relationship" and then there's the fact that every day there's a new me which is part of the reason the casualness is not so good because i really just want someone to hold me through this and someone who is not my bootie call who i vent to but yeah i just worry i worry that i am not boy enough or too boy for goodness anymore and if anything actually matters and what the hell kind of name is cubbie anyway and what the hell kind of body is this and why does the sensation of not breathing coupled with th3e sensation of bunched up velcro along my side feel so good and where will i be and why do i feel so boy lately when wasn't i supposed to be genderneutral and is this just a trap as much as girldom was and can't i be a thousand years in the future once the gender binary is destroyed and i can just fucking live without being between two recognized poles though reading the people's history of the united states gives me so little hope for any of us.

happy october.

*listening to: etta james*
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