*"i liked you better when you were afraid you were fucked in the head because at least then you had an excuse to treat me like shit." 2003-06-08 2:57 p.m.*

it's so strange when you spend the longest time you can remember holding in screams and cruel vicious words and then you wind up on the person's chest telling them you love them. which isn't totally untrue. but... i don't deal well with oblivious people. i try very hard to speak up, but it's so hard, and when all you talk about is how fanfuckingtastic you are i get all the more silent. i close my eyes with my hand over my mouth and lay back and i guess that passes for fascination.

dude, i know you're incredible. i fell in love with you for that very reason. but remember, you told me to let you go. and i did. and now... now i have to admit that you no longer can do no wrong, and right now all i want from you, all i can handle from you is your arms wrapped around me, because that's where we connect right now. i can't tell you my dreams and hopes and life because they all involve leaving this town and hence leaving you, and i don't don't don't want to hurt you. so i just want to sit here in the peaceful silence that is us. except there was no peaceful silence and there was no us. there was you and then there was the you that was mirrored back at you in my eyes. i had to go all reflective to stay alive.

*listening to: "big yellow taxi" - joni mitchell*
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