*from beneath, my thesis devours. 2003-04-16 4:21 a.m.*

it's funny when i sit down at my counselor appointment and just start crying. and we talk, like we've talked so many times, about my inability to accept that i am not perfect. that any flaw turns me into a fleck of slime in my own eyes. and she asks me to think of ways to stop these patterns, and i want to scream, "but that's your job. i'm too tired to figure this stuff out. if i could, i would. my ideas are drained." but i'm appropriately quiet, since that's what we're talking about-- my inability to be okay with being angry.

and i just crave strength. and by strength, i mean feeling strong.

and being vocal.

*listening to: "that's the way love goes" - janet jackson*
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