*we are. 2004-04-12 3:59 p.m.*

there is a guy who lives in my building. he coughs and smokes on a stool outside the door. sometimes he sits on the fire hydrant on the corner and sometimes he sits behind the building. but usually he sits on a stool. when he's not smoking or coughing his mouth still moves and sometimes he talks to himself and sometimes he talks to me and sometimes he's just moving his mouth. he's skinny skinny skinny and fairly toothfree and reminds me of a turtle.

we keep running into each other about town. one day we were outside of ross together, and this last week i saw him at pike place when i was getting lunch. today he was getting off the bus when i got home from olympia.

i asked him about his easter and all of that and told him about how i had been in bremerton and olympia. my mouth formed to say "i spent easter with my family," but i didn't. but it wouldn't have been a lie. despite awkward political conversations and a million "she"ings and name misspellings, i have a family on this corner of the country now.

last night, puck and i talked about gender therapy and houses and so many things. i finally explained some things to them that i've been hanging out with and talking to some other people about-- about how i've found how i want my forever to be, but the thought that forever could exist is still somehow tiring. how my thoughts chase each other back and forth between daydreaming about cozy houses and then running running running and shouting in big fields. puck just held me and said that we can have fields too. we talked about my breasts and me trying to love them and us making them precious and me still being shocked with recognition whenever i look in the mirror and they are gone. and how i can't figure out who any of this is for.

then we had really good sex. except maybe the sex was beforehand. but there was this touching this amazing touching feeling loving that was as much sex as any time our fingers hands cocks plunge deep in each other's mouths cunts asses. we are so beautiful.

*listening to: kexp*
<<< | >>>

*<<<<<* *<<* *<* | *>* *>>* *>>>>>*
*random* *list*