*there's dental floss in my sock drawer. 2003-04-11 3:10 p.m.*

this weekend has been designated as a mad hardcore thesis time. as of yet, even though i have no classes on fridays, i haven't touched it. today is warm up day anyway. today is the day where my thesis and i become friends again before we get into a battle of wits for the next two days.

my head is full these days. not uncomfortably so, but definitely full. so much is going on about so many things, and i come up with things about myself and the world that i'm not terribly excited about, i'll admit, but it doesn't lead to wanting to chop my own arms off. which is better than the start of this week, when i wrote 2 and half pages on livejournal about how i'm ugly. there are still these moments, though. like, if i'm walking, or showering, or anything like that, and i'm thinking, it's very comfortable and interesting, even the things i may have been avoiding for years. but when i am alone in my room, and my thoughts are echoing in my head, then it's rough and painful and there's this weird brand of boredom that sets in that scares me. because if it weren't for the boredom bit, this soul-searching, this book-reading, this is where i want my life to be for a bit after i graduate. and when it becomes uncomfortable and grating, i get nervous.

even my paper journal is getting attention these days.

*listening to: the strange ticking of carbonation.*
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