*i'm a people, you're a people, yada yada yada yada yaaaa... 2002-12-29 1:36 p.m.*

sooo... i finished son of the circus this morning. i made a vow to finish it last night when i had this horrible realization about something that was going to happen to one of the characters if irving's patterns followed through this book. well, i got as far as finding out that i had called it and was right, and then got pissed off and sleepy and went to bed. then i read the last few pages this morning and got all gooey, john irving you are fucking brilliant, about the book... which is just the kind of intense emotional back and forth response that i do get from his books.

about the trans character, i think john doesn't agree with the main character, because enough other characters are careful to correct with pronouns and things, and see, these multitudes of feelings about it and stuff, is yeah... skillful.

i still worry about some trans people i know reading it and feeling hurt, which makes me sad, but it's that kind of thing where one story shouldn't have to speak for everyone, and it just goes to show that there should be more trans stories in general so that this isn't one of a very few.

meanwhile, i'm confused about something, but, like, scarily calm. my fears and rages and stuff have come to last less than a day these days, and i'm frightfully rational about stuff that i feel should flip me out more. but i'm like, "well, they're just people." but i do need that time to react to it. i need to fall back stunned so that i can pick myself back up and make realizations and forgive and understand rather than bottle.

but this thing that just happened today, i flipped out, for approximately 30 seconds and then was like, "oh. okay. well, now i know i care. more than i thought. hmm... will think on that." and then it was all okay, and my brain is just rattling on slowly in the background sorting things out while i go through my daily business.

and to think i thought those last couple of paragraphs were going to make some sense.

*listening to: *
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