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*grumblerar! 2001-11-08 10:43 p.m.*

i want to deal with some recent entries. recent entries by my friends, so it's kind of a touchy issue. and it's not even how they've affected me, as how they affect someone i care about (it's like the ave thing, in some ways) that make me feel like i need to write. though, i feel like anything i say is going to sound hypocritical, because it's going to sound like i'm speaking from anger. but i don't think i am.

when prof. bodhisattva and i were talking, one of the first things that we talked about was september 11, and how i feel like in some ways a balance was sort of struck, though not the kind of balance i would have hoped. some of us experienced the kind of hell we put other countries through. ideally, instead of that, somehow, we could have brought them up to the cushy american lifestyle. or something a little less orientalist and materialistic, but basically, this balance could have been brought about by making their lives better rather than making our lives worse. of course that's pretty idealistic, and humans go for the negative energy, because it's easier.

point is, yes, life is hard, and yes, people can do incredibly cruel unbelievably horrible things, but you actually don't have to dwell on that. this whole entry seems vituperative and backstabbing, but it's things i'd say to their faces if it wasn't easier to type them out, but i want to ask, what is this worthwhile thing that we should be channeling our energies into? i mean, sometimes idealism gets misguided, and the road to hell is paved with good intentions, blah blah blah, but how is complaining about how bad people are, or how hard your life has been, something better than this blind idealism.

life's hard, but you get your strength from that, or else you crumple and become cruel and withered like those who tortured you. of course, you have that right, and you have the right to hurt and be angry while you heal, but there's a point where you have to choose whether you're going to nurse it or grow from it.

there's too much negativity in the world to add to it, right now. we've got to hold each other up, or else we're all going down. i know some beautiful people who've gone through hell, and the dark they've experience is part of their beauty (see my last 2 entries). and not all the dark comes from people.

the world is not out to get you, so don't destroy yourself and blame it on the world.

*listening to: *
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