*one of the two reasons i'd ever consider being a boy. 2001-11-15 9:27 p.m.*

put your hand on my forehead. is it hot? i feel flushed and flu-y. tell me, are my cheeks red? they feel tremendously warm. honestly, if you want to know the truth, i feel like i'm going to vomit. but not in a "i feel my food coming back" way, but in a stars in front of my eyes, "maybe i should just lay down" kind of way. maybe i need a nap.

my hair will get all sticky and i will not want to visit anyone for fear i'll spill red drops all over their toilet. i will hate car riding, especially cars with white seats. i will feel stumpy and wide for 5 to 7 days, and it's quite possible that i could crouch by the toilet for a few hours. not in a vomitting way, actually, but in a "the floor and the porcelain and the wall are so nice and cold, and really, i can't actually stand up right now, thanks," way. i will want to spend many hours in bed drifting in and out of consciousness, closing my eyes until it stops and i can breathe again. i will feel filthy with sweat, but i won't want to shower, because when i step out of the water, there will be blood down my thighs before i can get my clothing on. i will have bleached carcinogenic "cotton" stuffed inside of me, and a soiled bunched up thing sticking to my dark colored underwear. unless of course the stickiness becomes just unsticky enough to remove itself from my underwear and attach itself to my pubic hair, which is also an option. i won't taste right for a week and a half, and i will feel disgusting and horny, as well. for 5 days i will feel like this, and then for the next 2 to 3 days, i may or may not expel brown chunks of dried blood and vaginal fluid.

and yet, i see that coming, and i want it to start, so that this mood will go away. there's nothing like the very very very sad and grumbly that accompanies pms to make me want to purge it with blood.

*listening to: *
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