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*"new college is your nurture." 2004-05-23 6:08 p.m.*

i call them all my babies. even though one is older than me and one has a strange sort of maturity that i will never have and they're all grownups really and mature and ready and responsible and glorious human beings, they are my babies. i've watched their time at new college and am so proud of them for getting through it. when i got to the airport in atlanta, i seriously considered getting on an airplane back to sarasota, just to drink in a few more days with them in that place the way that it is the way that it stays the same even as much changes.

i cried hard over 2 graduates. not because they are more important to me than the others, of course of course of course not, they are all my babies and i love them.

i cried when rachel graduated. suddenly as she walked up to the platform and i saw that girl who was so much of my own new college history preparing to leave, i cried. probably in a selfish way, because her leaving is taking so much of me from the place too. i feel like my footsteps on those grounds are dimming really fast now. and that compiled with the understanding that she and the rest of my estros were going made me bawl.

then i cried when bill graduated. when malraux graduated, i drunkenly told him that he was new college. bill has that same spark of something really really good and solid and true and beautiful that malraux had and brought to the school in his time. his graduation struck me as really sad, because after he leaves, i can think of very few people that are remotely as special as he is, and i get sad for what the college is losing as a place.

my eyes glistened for laurel and megan because i was just so fucking proud that they have gotten through this and have been my friends and have grown so much and so beautifully in the time that they've been there.

later i went to pcp and danced but not enough because the best part about fishnets is the chafing. i gave out thingies about my name and talked to lots of people and made out with and was obscene with puck.

puck decided that new college is a big fag, which i think is true. i say that it cultivated me into who i am. clay says that puck and i are grosser than he and nick and that if you put the 4 of us together, we are it's a small world with our sickening cuteness. i was able to share my so much with puck this weekend and it was beautiful and now we have our buttons and people keep congratulating me and there are niggling sads about the sads and frustrations and hurts of the people in my life, but oh, this week was so good, so necessary.

i don't hate that place any more.

but if one more person tells me the pig story i will scream.

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